Lessons of Love:

Imagine a research project that required you to watch movies. Lots of movies.

SEVENSTORIESLOVEThat was the assignment for sociologist Marcia Millman, whose new book explores the links between real-life love stories and what we see on the big screen. What is it that makes films like Titanic, The Bridges of Madison County, and Casablanca resonate so strongly with audiences? According to Millman, these films reflect plotlines that turn up over and over again in real life: stories of first love, sacrifice, rescue, postponement, and more.

"Many people think Hollywood movies give audiences unrealistic views of love, but I think people love movies because they reflect our own experiences and can help us understand our choices," says Millman, a professor of sociology at UCSC whose previous books are about medical errors, money and love, and women's obsession with weight.

In The Seven Stories of Love (New York: William Morrow, 2001), Millman explores the major romantic scenarios that play out in films, novels, and real life. She identifies seven distinct plots and explains the unconscious elements and origins of each. Based in part on 15 years Millman spent teaching the UCSC course The Sociology of Love, the book presents plots drawn from real-life interviews, as well as art, to show how people tend to make choices about their romantic partners without being aware of the factors shaping their actions. The Seven Stories of Love is a highly readable book that bridges the fields of psychology and sociology.

  MILLMANQUAD
Photo: Naomi Bushman

"I noticed the connection between the romantic histories I was gathering in research interviews and the plots of contemporary and classic movies and novels," recalls Millman, who watched and read hundreds of love stories. "That's when I gained a clearer sense of each plot and its variations." In subsequent interviews, Millman found a strong link between repetitive love scenarios and certain formative experiences from childhood.

Although Millman writes about seven love plots, readers invariably find one story that resonates more strongly for them. That process of identifying one's own personal story can help readers gain insight into their own patterns of behavior and can help them build their own "happy endings," says Millman.

Romantic scenarios in real life and in fiction, from Pride and Prejudice to Dirty Dancing, are driven by the wish to turn early losses into victories, says Millman.

"Without realizing it, we relive disguised versions of our childhood scenarios in order to give them a happier ending," she says. While some people grow and resolve their problems through love, others have difficulty achieving satisfying romantic connections because they keep repeating the same defeat instead of overcoming it. By understanding their basic story and learning to exercise control over it instead of helplessly following its course, readers can finally choose the right partner or make an existing love relationship more rewarding.

Casablanca

Movies reflect real-life tales of love and heartbreak

1. First Love

This story is about a lover who helps us separate from our parents and establish our own independent identities, which is why adolescent girls flocked to Titanic and Dirty Dancing. Pining for a first love years later is a signal that something is missing in life, and it often accompanies a desire to recapture our youth.

2. Pygmalion

The Mentor and the Protégée: My Fair Lady, the most famous modern Pygmalion story, focuses on the controlling male teacher, but the protégée also has an agenda: a desire to be recognized and nurtured by a parental figure even as she wants to gain his knowledge and power for herself. Can relationships that start out distinctly unequal have a happy ending? It can be difficult if the "teacher's" need for admiration and control conflicts with the "student's" need to grow.

3. Obsessive Love

Millman examines real-life scenarios and several examples from popular culture, including Fatal Attraction, and concludes that an obsessive relationship is doomed unless the one who loves more can shift some emotional energy to other interests and people.

4. The Downstairs Woman and the Upstairs Man

This rags-to-riches plot, familiar to fans of Pretty Woman, Jane Eyre, and Pride and Prejudice, features a smart but poor and unconnected woman who reaches beyond her social status to gain the attention of a powerful and influential man. Initially cool to a woman so beneath him, the man ends up defying convention and committing to her. Women drawn to this scenario had fathers who criticized or abused them, making them feel worthless and unprotected. They repeat this story not to suffer but to triumph--to be desired instead of ignored, and to prove that they are the equal of any man.

5. Sacrifice

Guilt Overwhelms Desire: People who live out this plot don't believe they can have what they want without harming another or paying a terrible price. This scenario raises self-esteem through renunciation rather than happiness. Classic examples are Casablanca, The End of the Affair, and The Bridges of Madison County.

6. Rescue

Doing What Your Mother Could Not: The woman who is drawn to rescue scenarios often had a father who was sick, weak, or absent. Although the woman believes her love can help her wounded lover reach his full potential, the key element of this story is the woman's ultimate wish to restore a strong lover/father so he will rescue her in return. The story of Beauty and the Beast contains many subtle aspects of the rescue plot.

7. The Courage to Love

Overcoming Postponement and Avoidance: Probably the universal favorite, this love story is about the willingness to take a risk for love--and having the faith things will work out, as fans of Sleepless in Seattle will recall. People who live out this scenario fall in love only after they are forced to confront the reality of time and mortality. The courage to love actually provides a sense of immortality, while people who avoid or postpone love usually discover that their lives have gone by unlived.

--Jennifer McNulty


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